


A world you don’t exist in is like…

by Aki_Saiko (saikowrites)



Category: Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Damn u american adaptation, GSC Spoilers, Green is Blue and Blue is Green, Green is the boy and Blue is the girl, M/M, Mind you this is sad, Preciousmetalshipping, Spoilers, We can't have happy things, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 15:36:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20428316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saikowrites/pseuds/Aki_Saiko
Summary: "However, another bad, bad habit of Gold – maybe because he was such a show-off – was trying to play the hero whenever possible. Which, paired with him being so annoyingly nosey, was the perfect recipe for a tragedy far beyond Silver’s worst predictions. And Silver was not the type to miscalculate things."!!Severe spoilers for GSC chapters!!The Dex-Holders won the battle against Masked Man, but Gold got lost in the crack in time and never got back.Silver not very successfully tries to go on with his life.----Originally published on EFP in 2013. Now edited, rewritten and hopefully much improved.





	A world you don’t exist in is like…

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally published on 25 september 2013 on an Italian fanfiction site, EFP. I personally don't advise that you read that fic, as it's six years old and poorly written. BUT if you are Italian and curious, you can find it [HERE](https://efpfanfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=2181929&i=1).
> 
> This used to be one of the works I was most proud of, so I wanted it to be here too in some way. Well, turns out that the writing (which I already assumed was nothing special) was, in fact, pretty terrible.  
I still liked the idea though, it could still work with some adjustments in pacing and writing. So I revised the old italian fic and wrote it from scratch in English.  
It's not a masterpiece, but it's good. And working on this has been a literal 2012/13 throwback, with all the Preciousmetal feelings involved.
> 
> Two final notes:  
\- the original work was a mess of flashbacks, overthinking, telling and actual events. I tried to riorganize the structure in the best possible way without getting rid of the content inside it. I also tried to follow the show-don't-tell principle. I hope it won't turn out as a mess of telling and overthinking again.  
\- English isn't my native language. I'm kind of a fluent C1 but this is the first attempt at something serious like this. If you find some terms, verbs or tenses that are incorrect or misused, please let me know! It will improve both the fic and my English c:

> There's probably some meaning even in a world you don't exist in  
But a world you don't exist in is like an August without a summer vacation  
A world you don't exist in is like a Santa Claus who doesn't laugh  
A world you don't exist in is like...
> 
> It's nothing, it's nothing after all.

A bad, bad habit of Gold – one of many, according to Silver – had always been sticking his nose in problems that were none of his business.

Like when he decided to run after Silver for the whole Johto region instead of leaving the job to the police – which, Silver must admit, had never been too efficient. No matter how many times Silver told him not to get involved, that Masked Man was his enemy and fighting him was his mission and his personal battle: Gold always showed up in the worst possible moments to mess things up.

Except that ‘the worst possible moments’ had somewhat evolved into ‘just in time to give me a hand if you must’. It was strange. Few things got on his nerves like seeing Gold popping out of nowhere, chasing him, as if Silver was bound to him by a curse.

Gold was no exceptional fighter; he was reckless and with no particular eye for strategy and fighting with him – dealing with him – had always felt more like handling troubles than cooperating with someone.

But having Gold by his side, battle after battle, taught him about improvisation and catching the enemy off guard by using Pokémon in the most ingenious ways.

For his entire life, fighting had been about surviving, something that had to be done in order to accomplish his goals – stay alive and stay hidden, and collect information about Masked Man.

In Ecruteak City, confronting another trainer was _fun_. Challenging. Thrilling. Not something he did because he had to, but something he did because he _enjoyed it_, even though for a moment.

Overall, battling with other trainers by his side offered a lot more possibilities in terms of planning the action and covering mutual weaknesses. Sharing tactics with Gold and Crystal had revealed an intriguing experience; something that built more confidence in his own battle skills and his companions. Trust, even.

Finding Red, Blue and Green in the Ilex Forest for the final showdown, with Crystal following up, invigorated the flame burning within him, and Silver convinced himself that they, indeed, would win, even if their opponent had control over time.

Setbacks were to be expected of course, given the strength of Masked Man – _Pryce_ – and the fact that Celebi was under his command.

However, another bad, bad habit of Gold – maybe because he was such a show-off – was trying to play the hero whenever possible. Which, paired with him being so annoyingly nosey, was the perfect recipe for a tragedy far beyond Silver’s worst predictions. And Silver was not the type to miscalculate things.

So, when the time portal in the shrine closed again behind him and Crystal only, Silver thought it had to be a joke. He was _sure_ Gold was pulling a prank, making them panic and then appearing from the woods with that triumphant smirk of his.

But minutes had passed, and no Gold peeped out from the centuries-old trees; no Gold waved his hand from some shrub. There was no Gold to be seen.

Ilex Forest swirled in his vision. But Silver didn’t fall.

Without a warning, Green grabbed his arm, making him stand still. He said Silver was suspected of stealing both the Pokedex from Professor Oak’s laboratory and the Totodile from Professor Elm, therefore he would be handed over to the authorities.

The loud protests from Crystal and Blue were to no vail. The fun part? Silver didn’t really care.

“It’s all right” he said.

It wasn’t.

But there was no point in running away and hiding anymore. His whole life had always been about getting his long-awaited revenge against Masked Man. They had won that battle today, he had no more purpose and no more enemy. And he had no more Gold.

The reclusion passed by in a blur. Silver didn’t eat much and slept most of the time, his mind tired of wondering what the future would be and his body heavy with grief.

In the end, he got off easy. Six nights at the Goldenrod police station, that is, the time that took Professor Elm, Professor Oak and the Indigo League president to convince the authorities that what Silver had accomplished with the other Dex-Holders was more than worth some thievery. Green was still doubtful about that.

Six months had passed since Gold’s death, and life in Johto flowed so normal, so careless, Silver was disgusted. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about Gold, as if he wasn’t the hero who had sacrificed himself in the crack in time. As if he never existed in the first place.

It hurt.

Silver couldn’t come up with an explanation about that. He had always thought of Gold as someone annoying and self-centred despite his flawless hero façade. Still, he somehow missed the boy as he missed his freedom when Masked Man held him captive. Silver had always been the silent type, the lonely type, the ‘steal-rather-than-ask’ type. Not the type of person who, in any way, could have grown fond of a boy like Gold.

And yet, truth was Silver missed Gold to, well, death. Having that storm of enthusiasm and boldness in his life, even though for not so long, had shifted his believes and world view, day by day. They were one the exact opposite of the other, so no surprise their first meetings ended up in arguments and fights – not only the Pokémon ones. Yet through fighting with him, Silver learned that him and Gold were more than mere opposites: they were complementary.

But there wouldn’t come the day the two of them would find a balance. Not anymore.

Six months had passed, and for the first time in his life, Silver still had no plans, no destination on the map. Loosing Gold was something so not on the schedule, so impossible even in hypotheticals, that dealing with his far-too-real death left Silver himself lost.

All he could do was wandering around Kanto and Johto – more Kanto than Johto, in fact. He had stayed away from the region long enough to find it changed from his memories and, therefore, more bearable. He didn’t have to relive all that he had gone through by simply walking by a river or searching for a comfortable spot for spending the night, so it was fine. Almost.

Not that day, though.

Crystal had called him on the Pokégear a week prior, said there was something she needed to do, and that it must had been the two of them together. Not much details. But with the meeting spot in Azalea Town, Silver had some idea of what her intentions were.

And indeed, there she was, in the blazing twilight of Azalea Town, near the entrance of Ilex Forest, Meganium by her side and a flower crown in her hands. She waved at him with a smile, unexpected yet so comforting.

Silver didn’t speak much. He was of few words even for his standards, every coherent sound stuck in the middle of his throat.

“You know,” said Crystal, walking deeper into the forest “I’ve been wanting to do this for months, but I’ve never felt prepared enough.”

“You do now?”

“Not sure. But the weight of… this, it has been troubling me for long enough. Nobody ever came here before; it didn’t feel right.”

The hesitation in her voice was a solace. Not even she could voice out loud what they were about to do, the smile from before now long gone.

They reached the shrine. Nothing had changed from the battle of months before, except for the restored peace of the wood. Seeing that shrine, unchanged as if immune to the passing of time, sent chills down Silver’ spine.

And it all hit him together. Every memory of their meetings, their battles, their never-ending arguments. Silver preventing Gold from doing something very stupid and Gold keeping Silver from getting killed by Masked Man in a fight out of pure rage. Gold shouting to stop giving him order like he was his boss and Silver commanding the boy to leave him alone and stay out of his business. The perfect example of what happens if one puts a bossy teenager and a drama queen together.

“Hey Silver, come here.”

Crystal was drawing his attention. She had laid out the crown on top of the shrine. There were bright green leaves entangled with some darker ones, held together by a golden twine. Scattered among the leaves, white and yellow Apricorn flowers. It was messy and lacked any kind of grace, but it was in some way appropriate.

“Kurt and Maizie helped me making the crown. They said they wanted to return the favor for the Teddiursa. I know it’s not the best, but that was the best I could do.”

“It suits him. Thank you, Crys.”

The girl reached for the pocket in her jacket, searching for something. She dug out a small note with an elegant handwriting on it and placed it on the crown, between the leaves and the twine.

“That is from Gold’s mom. She said she didn’t feel like coming with us, that she preferred to come alone some other day. But she gave me the card… and this ball.”

Silver recognized it. That was, without a doubt, Typhlosion.

The Pokémon joined the group with a piercing cry. Sadness darkened his eyes and the flame on its back was no near the brightness of months before.

Silver himself picked a Pokeball, letting out his Feraligatr, too. It was only fair, wasn’t it?

“These past months I’ve been working with Professor Oak. He said he much needed my help since I’ve completed his Pokedex” Crystal said, staring at the shrine.

_That’s admirable_, Silver thought. He couldn’t bring himself to speak it out loud.

“The first weeks had been the worst” she continued “All I could do was strolling around with no purpose, thinking about all the time we spent with Professor Oak revising our strategy to get into the Indigo League without anyone noticing. Of course, Gold had to put on a show the exact moment we arrived.”

She started petting her Meganium.

“After a while, my mom literally took me by the shoulder and told me to move on and do something. It was harsh, but it was what I needed. Same as when I was stuck with my failings at catching Pokémon.”

Crystal turned her head towards him. Watery eyes glowered in the semi-darkness of Ilex Forest. Her voice, cracked.

“What she meant – and what _I’ve_ learned – is that mourning is ok. It’s natural. It’s necessary. But trying to live your life doesn’t mean you have to forget about what happened. I was worried for you. You disappeared after the police released you, and you haven’t spoken a word to anyone.”

“It’s no different from usual.”

“But it is. I can tell. You have no reason to stay hidden now, not anymore.”

Shit. When in the world had Crystal become so good at reading him? Between her and Gold, Silver didn’t know who improved faster.

“I don’t need the pity of anyone.”

“You don’t need to stop living either, though. The guilt of letting him go, I assure you, I know it well enough. Same goes for the anger about him making stupid decisions. But we can’t rewind time – and blocking time control is what Gold died for, to begin with.”

Silver couldn’t believe she said it out loud. Maybe she truly was handling that better than he had expected, after all. And she was right, about everything. Gold died and Silver might as well swallow down some of his pride if that meant feeling a bit more alive again.

“You know,” he said “I believe deep down I might sort of envied him. Not for his family nor his bond with his Pokémon. But sometimes I regretted not having his light heart, his ability of staying in the moment and wholly enjoying it. I certainly regret it, now.”

He wouldn’t cry, that wasn’t something Silver would allow to happen in front of other people. It almost happened back then, though, when Gold disappeared. Almost. Green arresting him prevented that.

He wouldn’t cry. Crystal was already doing that for them both.

He stayed quiet, head down and fists clenched. He wasn’t good with words – never had – and besides, that wasn’t the moment for him to intrude.

So, he waited.

Crystal stopped crying. Her voice was still a bit shaking.

“I think I’ll go now. I feel a bit better. Thank you for coming with me.”

She headed over the path that led to Azalea Town but turned her head back. Explotaro wasn’t following her.

“You don’t want to come? Gold’s mom will be sad, you know.”

Typhlosion cried and moved closer to Silver.

“Oh, I see.”

She waved her hand in their direction.

“Take care of him, Explotaro. Please make sure he eats and sleeps and stays alive.”

“You’re terrible.”

“And you are terrible with feelings and emotions.”

She smiled.

“Thank you, and don’t disappear again.”

That night Silver was on the shores of the Lake of Rage.

The sky was clear, and a soft breeze forecast the impending autumn. The Hoothoots living in the woods nearby and the crackle of his campfire were the only noises to be heard. Everything was so peaceful, so different from the last time he had been there. That very same place where him and Gold almost got killed by Masked Man.

Silver though that, were Gold still alive, he would have told everyone about that battle for sure; how they had fought, how they had survived. Because he was a narcissist. And, because he loved sharing his adventures and animating the spirits of those who met him.

Gold might have been reckless, irresponsible, annoying and many other things, but Silver himself had realised how much passionate he could be about what mattered to him. How much strength and determination he could show to protect his believes and whom he cared about.

_“The truth is… I’m only fighting for me”_ he had said. _“But I figure it can’t hurt when I’m doing things for myself to help others out, too!”_ he had added.

“You apologized for accusing me of stealing your stupid backpack, yet you gave us those feathers like that was the most casual thing in the world” he murmured.

Silver’s heart was still conflicted between anger and grief. He missed Gold and their battles, yet he was riled. And even more annoyed because he couldn’t quite explain to himself where that conflict came from, or why he cared so much about Gold in the first place.

He searched for a Pokeball in his bag and freed its creature. Typhlosion appeared in the silence of the night, bringing some more light and warmth.

Silver wasn’t sure of what to do with him. His team was structured and balanced in a way that fit his battling tactics, and moreover, he already had six Pokémon. He couldn’t afford to train a seventh.

But abandoning – or freeing – Explotaro didn’t feel right to him. The Pokémon himself had chosen to stay with him even though he already had a home. Silver could as well take Explotaro with him without using him in battles.

Taking _where_ was an unsolved question. Staying in Johto wasn’t an option, at least not for the time being, and Kanto was not so much better. But Silver doubted that Kanto and Johto were the only places existing in this world; there had to be somewhere else he could travel to.

_I’ll ask Professor Oak if there are other Regions, and how to get there._

That was a vague resolve, far from the detailed plans Silver was used to make, nonetheless it was a starting point. Crystal was right; he had to go on with his life in some way. He didn’t have a family, and the few he could consider, somehow, his friends had their lives settled in a place he wanted to leave as soon as possible. If he wanted to go on and live, he had to depart.

He leaned back against Typhlosion’ side. The fur was warm and very soft, shining even. Gold’s mother must have been taking serious care of him.

Staying like that calmed his nerves. It was an embrace, a big one no less, something Silver wasn’t quite accustomed to. And it was the only link left between him and Gold, beside his memories.

Crying wasn’t something Silver would allow to happen in front of other people.

But Explotaro was no other people.

So, Silver closed his eyes and let the emotions silently taking over him for once.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: this fic now has a sequel! You can find it [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21137321)
> 
> The song: Radwimps' [Nandemonaiya](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6A1nYMqV9JpI6L2NZct6H2?), from Your Name. 
> 
> Thanks Bulbapedia for guiding me within the forest of italian vs english adaptation and translation of the Pokemon manga and its scans. As you might have noticed, some names are from the fanmade translation of the scans and not the actual Viz Media names. I first read Pokespe in 2011 via scans since in Italy the series hadn't been available since 2014/15, and even in the italian scan translation, many names were from the english one, so those are the names I'm more accustomed to. Explotaro is my personal favourite, so much better than Exbo. In the italian official translation by Jpop, all of Gold's Pokemon are named with some sort of pun and it's 10/10 adorable and in character. Explotaro is named after a particular gunpowder used in little fireworks (Raudo) because he explodes. This is so. Wow. I'm speechless. Thanks mr translator. 
> 
> If by chance you want to follow me:  
my tubmlr is [@saikolikesdrawing](https://saikolikesdrawing.tumblr.com/)  
Thanks for reading!


End file.
